Fall has finally arrived, my absolute favorite time of year, a time of change. Pumpkin spice lattes are the new favorite and Halloween costumes replace what used to be the isle of beach towels and boogie boards. Much like the Fall, Motherhood is a season of change. A time that we transition from being women devoted to our husbands and our career, to being devoted to keeping our children alive and well. Like all mothers, I started off as a sleep deprived woman on a mission, to be the best Mom EVER! Quickly I realized that this would be the hardest job, that I would ever have. Now six years and second baby later, I can finally say that I’ve learned the secret weapon of Motherhood…the power of prayer.
The following is a letter that I wrote to my son two years ago. It was a time of desperation and I could not see the end of this crazy stage in sight. So one night after bedtime I broke down in tears and wrote exactly what was on my mind.
Dearest Evan,
It has been my greatest honor to be your Mommy for the past nineteen months. I love you to the moon and back again, infinity times infinity. From the moment you were born, you've had a piece of my heart and soul. Seeing your beautiful and happy little face every day fills me with too much joy. Your laughter is greater than any gift that you could wrap with your sweet little hands.
With that said...
I found my first gray hair today and there is no doubt in my mind that you put it there. Maybe it started growing the day that you dragged your sister's chair to the counter and tried to reach for the coffee pot. It could have been the next day when you learned how to open the fridge and threw a glass bowl full of grapes onto the tile floor. More than likely it was the day that you climbed from a bowl, to a bar stool, and then onto the kitchen island and grabbed a knife. I guess it's also possible that it started growing last night when I was brushing your sweet little hair after bath time, and you ran off in your nice clean jammies and jumped back in the tub. What I'm trying to say, is that I love you so much that I would like to keep you in one piece. You don't make it so easy...
Every morning I pray that God will walk with you, that he will help me keep you safe. Be with you as you grow, and especially when I cannot. God has given you to me, because he knew that I could handle this. As much as I am here for you, you are here for me too. You teach me patience, and you remind to be thankful. As your Mommy, I look at you and hope that I can fix any problem that you will ever have, kiss every boo-boo, wipe every tear. I treasure everything about you. all ten fingers and ten toes, and all four limbs. Please...PLEASE...be more careful.
Love, Mommy
Reading back through this letter, gave me sense of joy and accomplishment. That was the most difficult season yet, and I made it through. I spent many nights praying for guidance, and I definitely had help along the way, but I did it. There may be many storms to come and many seasons ahead, but I know that what I have accomplished is worth every gray hair. From the time I wake up in the morning until the time I go to bed, my mind is on my children. God has blessed me with two wonderful children and in doing so he has asked me to love these children, to teach them to love each other and to love all that he has created. He has given me the most precious job, because as a Mother, I hold the greatest love in my heart, the same love that he holds for me.
