Friday, February 3, 2012

My baby is growing up..

Well...here I am ALONE, thinking about 1 hour and 54 minutes ago, when I had to leave my son (my baby) at Preschool for the very first time...

We've talked about this day all week. The excitemint of being a big boy and going to school just like "Sissy" has been all EJ could talk about. We took a trip out to the Preschool, met the teacher, and played on the playground. Unfortunately, nothing can really prepare you for the emotional moment when you have to actually leave without your baby. As I walked him to the classroom today all I could think about was the day he was born, seeing his face for the first time, knowing that this little boy was going to fill my heart with joy. When he reached for my hand, I could almost feel his tiny hand wrap around my finger for the first time. Of course at this point, I feel ridiculous because every Mom has to do this at some point and I'm sure they don't feel like a complete basket case. As I walked out of the classroom, it took every ounce of strength I had not to run back in and say "Just kidding, we'll be back in a few years!" Thankfully, my husband was right by my side and together we walked away.

People tell you that it's hard, they say "he's having fun you just can't see it." I want to see it! One of the many reasons that I chose this profession (Mom), is I want to be there for every moment. I want to KNOW that he's having fun, I want to SEE the smile on his face as he plays with his new friends, I want to WATCH his little hands making art and playing with playdough, and I really want to HEAR him sing songs and laugh. It feels so strange to be alone, even just for 3 hours 2 times a week. There is always noise coming from somewhere, the backseat, the patio, the family room, and right now SILENCE. I thought it might be peaceful, but it's not, I just feel deserted. I've had a child holding my hand or in my arms for almost 6 years, my two little sidekicks. Now I have to learn to be just me again.

The most emotional part for me is knowing that this is the end of a chapter in his life, the "be with Mommy every second of the day" chapter... ok let's face it, the "baby" chapter. The only thing that gets me through this 3 hours (or if I'm being honest, the last week) is knowing this is really the beginning of a whole new chapter in his life, the making friends and learning independence chapter. As hard as it is, I have to face the facts, my baby is growing up way too fast...just like he's supposed to.

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be"

12 comments:

  1. Ahhh!!!!! this made me all teary eyed!!!!! i cant believe it. :( But i am so excited to watch him grow into a handsome little man. but he'll ALWAYS be the baby!!!!

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  2. I love your little saying at the end! I struggled putting my oldest into school. Now my three year old is ready to start and it makes me sad. I have no clue what I will do when my little man starts school.

    Thank you for stopping by my blogs! I am following you, now.

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  3. I can relate to this, I'm almost tearing up reading this. I feel this fear everyday, and the verryy few times I have left my son because I had to go somewhere without him, I felt just like you did! I am extra protective because he has multiple food allergies and asthma. I don't know how I will even go about it, he is three now, and I try to hold onto moments with him every day as much as I can for now.
    You'll be fine, and it is for the better..bitter sweet, but in the end something happy and good :)
    Thanks for coming by my blog :)

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  4. what a sweet and heartfelt post to your little ones. i loved it!! the quote at the end is such a good one!
    sending happy vibes <3
    looking forward to following!
    xo
    maria

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  5. Love You Forever is one of my favorite books. There will be a lot of times in life when you will feel like this. It is hard and I would like to say that it gets easier, but it does not for me. You did a good job :) Hugs & Blessings ~ Lea @ http://motherbabychild.blogspot.com - Thanks for visiting my blog yesterday. I am now following you, too.

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  6. Hiya! Thanks for stopping by! Following you back now and looking forward to reading loads more :)

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  7. Oh GOSH this made me cry... especially the quote from I Love You Forever... GOSH!

    I can so relate... last year around this time, we ran into a situation where I had to go back to work -- Logan was only 1.5 -- I cried for WEEKS, if not MONTHS when I dropped him off... I'm so not looking forward to preschool for this very reason!

    Hang in the mamma!

    Oh, and I'm here to follow you back! I love your blog -- I'm sure I'll be a frequent visitor! :)

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  8. hey i found you through a blog hop and am now following you. i hope you can follow me back at
    baysbooks.blogspot.com
    thanks

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  9. It is so sad at first...but you will get used to it!!!

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  10. I picked my first child up from her first day at preschool after a half hour. With my 8th child, I skipped preschool all together b/c I realized the gift of hie presence
    I am your newest follower..pls follow back if you can.

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