We've talked about this day all week. The excitemint of being a big boy and going to school just like "Sissy" has been all EJ could talk about. We took a trip out to the Preschool, met the teacher, and played on the playground. Unfortunately, nothing can really prepare you for the emotional moment when you have to actually leave without your baby. As I walked him to the classroom today all I could think about was the day he was born, seeing his face for the first time, knowing that this little boy was going to fill my heart with joy. When he reached for my hand, I could almost feel his tiny hand wrap around my finger for the first time. Of course at this point, I feel ridiculous because every Mom has to do this at some point and I'm sure they don't feel like a complete basket case. As I walked out of the classroom, it took every ounce of strength I had not to run back in and say "Just kidding, we'll be back in a few years!" Thankfully, my husband was right by my side and together we walked away.
People tell you that it's hard, they say "he's having fun you just can't see it." I want to see it! One of the many reasons that I chose this profession (Mom), is I want to be there for every moment. I want to KNOW that he's having fun, I want to SEE the smile on his face as he plays with his new friends, I want to WATCH his little hands making art and playing with playdough, and I really want to HEAR him sing songs and laugh. It feels so strange to be alone, even just for 3 hours 2 times a week. There is always noise coming from somewhere, the backseat, the patio, the family room, and right now SILENCE. I thought it might be peaceful, but it's not, I just feel deserted. I've had a child holding my hand or in my arms for almost 6 years, my two little sidekicks. Now I have to learn to be just me again.
The most emotional part for me is knowing that this is the end of a chapter in his life, the "be with Mommy every second of the day" chapter... ok let's face it, the "baby" chapter. The only thing that gets me through this 3 hours (or if I'm being honest, the last week) is knowing this is really the beginning of a whole new chapter in his life, the making friends and learning independence chapter. As hard as it is, I have to face the facts, my baby is growing up way too fast...just like he's supposed to.
"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be"